


I can't do that for you, but I wish I could.

by Silvaniuous



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Kissing, M/M, Mild Fluff, Panic Attacks, Soulmate AU, Soulmates, Writing on Skin, angst with a somewhat happy ending, dramatic boys, hey they can't all be winners amr?, panic attack in chapter 3 be warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-07-20 14:48:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16139477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silvaniuous/pseuds/Silvaniuous
Summary: Lance, desperate for home and hopeless for a chance to return, writes to his soulmate in an attempt to contact his family.Unbeknownst to him, his soulmate is Keith who now has to burden himself with the knowledge that he can never help Lance.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> cool.
> 
> setting?
> 
> i dunno. When Keith and Lance are on the castle ship together at some point in the series.
> 
> Hey you want me to be specific? We're all dying inside what does it matter? Just read and enjoy the fic and pretend to understand the setting while you're at it.

 

The wall was cold to the touch as Lance’s hand skimmed across.

 

Wandering aimlessly, he pushed a hand to the wall in some vague notion of support. His voice was mumbling a song that he couldn’t remember the words to as he walked along the corridor, only half aware of his actions.

 

His mind often drifted when he did his late night walks. He lost sense of himself and walked without purpose. Whenever he was feeling particularly homesick, he would stand and walk hoping for his brain to shut off in an attempt for peace. True peace would never come, but this was as close as he could get.

 

He stopped and leaned against the wall, his arm folded uncomfortably to his side. His mind was slowly coming back and he slid down the wall to sit and stare out the small window. 

 

Home. Home was all he could think about, all he could dream about. All he wanted, and wanted to avoid thinking about was home.

 

His soulmate was probably somewhere near his home. Or maybe they weren’t as he’d never asked them where they actually lived. They didn’t talk that much.

 

When he was little, they talked almost every second of the day, but his soulmate never gave out any personal details about themselves. Eventually, near Lance’s preteen years, his soulmate stopped talking with him. He would check in every now and then, but it became less frequent as the years past.

 

Finally, when Lance had made it into the Garrison, his soulmate stopped talking to him altogether. 

 

Lance would still doodle over his arms and try to prompt some conversations, but it was always left unanswered.

 

Now, Lance sat a million miles away from where his soulmate was, never given a chance to actually meet them.

 

Of course, that was pretty pessimistic of him, there was no guarantee that he was going to die out here, but right now Lance didn’t have any hope. 

 

So Lance sat in front of a window, lost in the giant ship he had to call home, without hope and desperate for any contact with earth.

 

He dejectedly brought a blue pen from his left pocket and shifted it into his right hand. Popping the cap, he slowly brushed the tip on his left wrist to spell out what was probably his final message to his soulmate.

 

_ Hey _

 

_ I know we’ve stopped talking, and we aren’t good friends or anything, but I need you to do something for me. _

 

_ It’s selfish of me to ask you of this, and you certainly don’t owe any favors to me, but I’m desperate and you’re my only connection back to my family. _

 

_ It’s hard to explain, but I’m not on earth right now. I probably won’t ever be on earth again. I’m most likely going to die out here, and my family will never have known why. I need you to find them, and deliver a message to them. I need them to know that I’m alive and I’m in space defending the universe.  _

 

_ I miss them. _

 

_ Tell them that too. Tell them that I can’t come back right now and I wish I could but I can’t and I probably never will. Tell them I never asked for this but if I could have prevented it, I would’ve. I’m doing something important and I have to stay out here to keep them safe. _

 

_ You can find them in Cuba, near Varadero beach, on Avadero Rd. 167. Tell them you’re coming to explain where Lance Mcclain is. Tell them you’re my soulmate and talk to me if they need you to prove it. _

 

_ Please. I know it will be hard, but I need you to do this for me. If you need money, I’ll give you my bank account info. Anything, but please. Please do this for me. _

 

Finished, Lance sat back and twisted his wrists. The message was longer than he thought it would be and so he extended it to sit on his right wrists as well. He sighed and hoped they would respond soon, or at all.

 

He stared for a moment longer, fruitlessly waiting for a quick response, before grunting and standing up slowly.

 

As he wandered back to familiar hallways, he prayed to every god he knew that his soulmate would respond.

 

He finally found his room, and plopped down on his bed, face first. His face smushed into the pillows, he found some a small amount of peace in the thought that his soulmate might actually do this for him and drifted off to sleep.

 

~~~

 

The alarms blared, shocking Lance out of his deep slumber. He actually felt well rested for once and sat up quickly to begin putting on his armor. When he reached down for his gauntlet his sleeves shifted and he was immediately reminded his message from last night.

 

The blue text had smudged slightly but was still readable. Relieved that his sleep didn’t mess up the message, he pushed his sleeves back to look for any messages from his soulmate.

 

He didn’t find any. 

 

Irritated, he went back to the process of putting his armor back on when a flash of red caught his attention.

 

With horror, Lance regarded the small red message on his palm before clenching his fists in rage. He breathed deeply, deciding to deal with it later and resumed putting on his armor.

 

He had a mission to complete. Then. Then he’d deal with his scum of a soulmate.

 

_ I can’t do that for you. _

 

The red ink sat mockingly on his skin for the rest of his mission, distracting him and fueling all his attacks with a deep sense of betrayal. Furious, he attacked without mercy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmm
> 
> I have no excuses for you
> 
> I'm really sorry this was so late but I just honestly lost interest in this fic for a loonng time. Also college you know? It's life draining and terrible.

 

Keith watched as Lance stomped out of the meeting. 

 

They wrapped up the mission rather quickly due to Lance’s fury-filled attacks. As they met in the common room to discuss however, Lance’s rage was palpable. Everyone visibly flinched when he met their eyes.

 

No one had ever seen Lance this angry before. He was more of a calm kind of mad, so the new attitude Lance had was startling.

 

“I’m going to go shower or something. Meet without me.” Lance practically growled the sentence out before abruptly leaving.

 

Keith looked at his feet. The mission briefings were almost never that important so he didn’t feel too bad letting his mind wander to Lance.

 

Lance.

 

Lance who was his soulmate.

 

Lance who was his soulmate that he’d let down. Now Lance was furious with him.

 

When Keith saw Lance’s name delicately written on his wrist last night, his heart fluttered gleefully for a second, but promptly fell into the pits of his stomach. He couldn’t help Lance.

 

And Lance was rightfully furious.

 

Not only that, but Keith had let Lance down for his whole life. Keith had never been there for Lance. He’d never even attempted to reach out because he was so focused on his own problems.

 

Keith had figured that with all of his own problems, he didn’t have time for a soulmate. He thought he didn’t even deserve one until his problems were solved. Keith didn’t want to put his issues on someone else, and so he stopped writing.

 

And well, that worked out didn’t it.

 

Keith looked up and tuned back into the briefing, only to find out everyone was wrapping up and going their separate ways. He stood making his way to the door, his mind set.

 

If Keith couldn’t help Lance as his soulmate, he was going to do everything in his power to help Lance as his friend. He was going to be Keith. Just Keith. No one’s soulmate.

 

~~~

 

Lance stalked back to his room and forcefully pulled off his armor, dropping it dramatically on the floor. He showered quickly but thoroughly in an attempt to wipe off all of the markings scattered on his arms.

 

The red message stayed, however.

 

He still rubbed at it harshly regardless. His skin had turned an angry red before he stopped and moved on. Maybe his soulmate would finally do him one favor and actually wash it off. 

 

He dried himself swiftly and grabbed some clothes to change into before settling down on his bed, pen in hand.

 

_ Why? _

 

That was all he wrote. He couldn’t justify anything writing anything else.

 

He toppled over and wrapped himself in the covers, keeping his hand in front of him. He waited, hoping his soulmate had the guts to contact him again.

 

He stared for what seemed like ages before a small red message appeared below his.

 

_ I just can’t. I’m sorry. I wish I could. _

 

Lance scowled at the words. He  _ wished _ he could? What did that mean?

 

Lance curled up his fist and rested his forehead against it. He frowned deeply before letting out a breath and grabbing the pen again.

 

_ What did I ever do to you? Fuck you. _

 

He sniffed and turned over, his eyes watering as he clenched to hold the tears in. He brought the hand up to his face to push at his eyes and grimaced when he saw the ink smudge across his hand. It was probably on his face too.

 

He huffed a breath before grabbing the nearest pillow and pushing it against his face instead. He muffled his cries and burrowed his body deeper into the bed. He curled up around the pillow and let himself cry for what seemed like hours before drifting off to sleep.

 

~~~

 

Keith knocked softly on Lance’s door. A grunt from inside the room was his only confirmation that he could come in.

 

He quietly stepped through the doorway and walked slowly to where Lance was curled up in bed. Keith gently set a plate down on Lance’s nightstand before settling down near the end of the bed.

 

“Lance? You missed dinner. Everyone wanted me to bring you some food so...” A lie. Keith came by his own volition.

 

Lance didn’t move. 

 

“Are you ok?”

 

Lance slowly uncurled and turned to sit up. His hair was wild and he sleepily rubbed at his eyes before yawning. Keith’s heart skipped at the sight before focusing on his face.

 

Lance’s eyes were puffy and red and he had ink smeared across his face.

 

Keith must have gasped because Lance looked up to peer at him for a second. He quickly stood up and turned away before Lance could observe the ink on Keith’s own face.

 

He walked to Lance’s bathroom and muttered a small, “You have ink on your face. I’m going to get a towel.”

 

He shut the door behind him before leaning on it. He let out a breath. That was far too close. A second more and Lance would’ve known.

 

Keith shifted towards the sink and ran some hot water. He grabbed a small towel before observing his own face. 

 

Keith sighed in relief. Unlike Lance, whose short hair couldn’t hide anything, Keith’s bangs extended long enough to cover the small bit of ink.

 

He grabbed the towel swiftly and turned back to the bedroom.

 

Lance was still sitting there. He hadn’t grabbed the food or anything. Keith furrowed his brows at Lance’s behavior before silently passing the warm rag to Lance who robotically wiped away the ink.

 

“Lance, you should really eat.”

 

Lance finally looked up at Keith, as if seeing him for the first time. He stared for a while before solemnly dropping his head onto his shoulder.

 

Keith sat for a moment, stunned, then gently slipped his arms around Lance and slowly squeezed.

 

Lance whimpered into his shoulder, curling his fingers into Keith’s shirt. Keith softly traced shapes into Lance’s back.

 

Eventually, Lance slipped out of Keith’s arms. His cheeks heated with embarrassment and he turned away to grab the food as a distraction. The wet rag was plopped down on the nightstand. 

 

Keith sat with Lance until he was done, but not a word was spoken. He hoped that Lance just needed company, and awkwardly placed his hand on Lance’s knee in an attempt at comfort. Lance didn’t acknowledge it. He looked barely present at all, with a far out look in his eye. 

 

Keith shifted uncomfortably.

 

Lance eventually finished and gently set the tray down on the desk. He sat back and fell against the bed before turning his eyes to acknowledge Keith.

 

“Do you have a soulmate Keith?”

 

And that was a question wasn’t it. Keith was stunned for a moment and looked away from Lance.

 

“Uh… I guess.”

 

Despite his misery, Lance chuckled as Keith’s elegant response.

 

“What do you mean  _ you guess _ ?”

 

Keith had a hard time deciding what he should say. It would be hard to lie to Lance and say that he didn’t.

  
  


“Um, I don’t. I’m not sure- I don’t really like them or anything.” 

 

Lance’s eyes widened in surprise before letting out a small “oh” and turning his attention to the ceiling.

 

Keith watched as Lance blankly stared towards the ceiling before hesitantly asking the question he already knew the answer to.

 

“Are you ok?”

 

Lance blinked.

 

“No. Probably not. But I’ll get over it. Just- it’s just homesickness y’know? The usual.”

 

Keith nodded, knowing the truth of the situation. He stood up and collected Lance’s tray before softly turning to Lance again.

 

“I think Hunk’s trying to make your favorite uh, desert? I think he’d like your company maybe, so he can figure it out better.”

 

Lance recognized the statement as a distraction for his misery. He smiled, grateful that Keith knew what Lance needed.

 

“Ok. I might pop in later. God knows Hunk is a genius, but I don’t think he’s ever had Merenguitos.”

 

Keith nodded and walked out the door.

 

Lance shifted on his side and pulled his sleeve down. His soulmate hadn’t responded yet. He grunted shifting his hand to lay flat on the bed, turning the words away from him.

 

This was the end, he supposed. Lance didn’t think that he could ever possibly love his soulmate. He might not even get the chance to, considering that he was probably going to die out here.

 

He sighed, and shifted under the covers again. He wasn’t going to join Hunk in the kitchen. 

 

Lance just needed a nap.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Here's another fic I'm very proud of:
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/15373776/chapters/35675493
> 
> Tumblr:
> 
> https://silvaniuous.tumblr.com/


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